I have to get some clothes from him that belong to one my friends that he has. I asked him to leave them by his door and I would come by and get them today. He called me last night at midnight on FaceTime, tipsy, and when he asked me to meet for lunch to get them, I said ok.
Ironically, I am doing a 2 week detox of no alcohol. So naturally it made sense that Whiskey should be included, right? We don’t talk all that often anymore. He texts me when it’s convenient for him, or maybe when he’s bored or maybe when he just misses me and swallows his pride (doesn’t happen much). We don’t see each other much anymore because the games continue and if he hasn’t been drinking then I won’t hear from him with a random FaceTime call.
Again, like I said we aren’t dating, hanging out, or talking everyday. It’s a random thing when I get a text, a call or even see him. It’s been weeks since I’ve seen him. But even when your friends tell you someone is no good for you, and you need to move on – it doesn’t matter because; you won’t and you shouldn’t until you’re ready. I’ve told them that. I appreciate your input, thoughts, concern but I am not cutting him out of my life until I’m ready to do it for me. Because otherwise, if we do it on their watch we will go back to the situation. You have to find it within yourself to say goodbye & I’m too good for this and then it will stick. So last night he was texting me and I could tell he had been drinking, I stopped responding. I was writing my blogs for the next few weeks and then I turn the light off and get into bed. Midnight comes and he calls. On FaceTime.
Why did I answer? Why? But I’m glad I did. Because had I not, I might not have found the motivation to say what I plan on saying to him. Even as I type this email, as mad as I was about the situation and feeling like shit all the time about how he treated me – I feel bad for him. It does make me sad because at the end of the day I have a heart and feel bad for hurting people. But because I have a heart is why I have to do this for me. Because as much as I like him, I love me more.
I am so happy he made it too hard to actually fall in love with him. He made it damn near impossible. I care about him, liked him a lot but that’s about all. I’ve been through worse and at the end of the day the only thing I would be losing is the THOUGHT of him growing up. And a random call at midnight. Or a drunk text every now and then. I have people in my life right now that I care about and want to invest time in. The only thing changing is the ability to give 100% to those relationships and not hold on to a small percentage of hope with Whiskey.
I missed you, now I don’t. I gave in, now I won’t.
I liked you, but I can’t, put my heart through all that again.
Sometimes gone is really gone, Sometimes baby people just move on.
And letting go means letting go, and I did.
Cheers to being strong as a 5th of Whiskey!
Currently on repeat:
- “Letting Go” – Jessica Harp
- “Eh, Eh (Nothing else I can say)” – Lady Gaga
- “Crash and Burn” – Thomas Rhett
- “Save it for a rainy day” – Kenny Chesney
- “Whiskey” – Jana Kramer
- “Whiskey bent & hell bound” – Hank Williams
- “Let him fly” – Patty Griffin
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